Being unemployed for a week or so has provided some reflection time. Now, I am a wife and a mother just like I was before. But, now I am not someone with a job title and a paycheck. I think it is interesting that this is socially acceptable.
"And I knew that in spite of all the roses and kisses and restaurant dinners a man showered on a woman before he married her, what he secretly wanted when the wedding service ended was for her to flatten out underneath his feet like Mrs. Willard's kitchen mat."
I think men put themselves first. I think women don't. Everything I said I would never do I have done. The only exception is I haven't changed my last name. Good for me. I still have the name that I was given at birth. Right now that seems like a small little victory.
I feel afraid and alone on this journey. Ester's bell jar is definitely a reality for me. I wish my former job paid more. Returning to that job is still possible. But, the reality is my son and my husband are here. In my house my job isn't viewed as being important at all. I should just be content to work a part-time job in hopes of something more coming from it. Trouble is nothing better ever comes from
it. At 44 years old I have plenty of degrees, talent, and abilities but not a career future. Boo!
So, I am Mrs. Willard's kitchen mat.
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PhD Mom
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