Men and Women-The Bell Jar

Being unemployed for a week or so has provided some reflection time.  Now, I am a wife and a mother just like I was before.  But, now I am not someone with a job title and a paycheck.  I think it is interesting that this is socially acceptable.

"And I knew that in spite of all the roses and kisses and restaurant dinners a man showered on a woman before he married her, what he secretly wanted when the wedding service ended was for her to flatten out underneath his feet like Mrs. Willard's kitchen mat."

I think men put themselves first.  I think women don't. Everything I said I would never do I have done.  The only exception is I haven't changed my last name.  Good for me.  I still have the name that I was given at birth.  Right now that seems like a small little victory. 

I feel afraid and alone on this journey.  Ester's bell jar is definitely a reality for me.  I wish my former job paid more.  Returning to that job is still possible.  But, the reality is my son and my husband are here.  In my house my job isn't viewed as being important at all.  I should just be content to work a part-time job in hopes of something more coming from it.  Trouble is nothing better ever comes from
it.  At 44 years old I have plenty of degrees, talent, and abilities but not a career future.  Boo!

So, I am Mrs. Willard's kitchen mat.

http://www.touchofclass.com/product.aspx?p=U223-001&code=GMF16&gclid=CMrvsuWqh7cCFSJlMgodxGsAlg

PhD Mom

Ester and the Periodic Table

Ester Greenwood devised a plan to get out of taking chemistry.  She took a Shakespeare class instead.  However, she did attend all the lectures.  Her professor was convinced that she really loved chemistry but had to give it up for her major course.

This is what Ester thought of the periodic table. ".......I'd seen a big chart of ninety-odd elements hung up in the chemistry lab, all the perfectly good words like gold and silver and cobalt and aluminum were shortened to ugly abbreviations with different decimal numbers after them. If I had to strain my brain with any more of that stuff I would go mad.  I would fail outright."

What Ester was really worried about was failure.  All of us fear failure.  Chemistry was too big of a risk to her.  She may not get an A.  At this point in her college career she had gotten all A's.  Actually, she stated in the the book that she had "fifteen years of all A's". Ester had never faced "failure" or at least her definition of failure.  She was very attached to the grades she earned in a class.  In other words she defined herself as a straight A student and she could not handle being anything other than a straight A student.  This small town girl in Connecticut had no idea what real failure was.  She had a myopic view of the word and what success actually is.

It is interesting that she was afraid she would "go mad".  That is what she actually did.  She went mad.  Mental institution, shock therapy mad.  It had nothing to do with chemistry.

If you would like to see a really cool interactive periodic table you can go to: www.webelements.com.  and also www.ptable.com

PhD. Mom

Ester Greenwood was scared of Chemistry!

So, now I realize that The Bell Jar wasn't the wisest choice for post employment depression! However, it was a great book that really got me thinking about mental illness.  I have also been thinking of my own experiences with depression.  Obviously I have experienced depression and my mother struggled with depression her entire life.  But, I will start the book discussion with when Ester Greenwood was in college.

Even though Ester was an English major and a writer she was required to take science classes.  In The Bell Jar, Ester was required to take Physics and Chemistry.  Just like the college students now  Ester was required to take two semesters of a science with a lab!  Some things never change.  College is all about getting outside your comfort zone and stretching your mind in a new direction.

Plath's main character somehow beat Physics.  She sat right down with that Physics book and beat it.  She memorized formulas, graphs and did all the required work to get an A.  Awesome Ester Greenwood.  I personally never beat Physics.  So Kudos to Sylvia writing a character of a girl getting Physics!


Ester Greenwood was terrified of Chemistry.  I find that humorous after defeating Physics.  However, I am sure many, many, people can relate to Chemistry Terror.  There is probably a phobia named for the fear of chemistry.  Chemophobia is fear of chemicals which is totally different.  Chemistry was a terrifying subject to Ester.  "What I couldn't stand was this shrinking everything into letters and numbers (1)."  How ironic.  We are all concentrated down to nothing but letters and numbers.  We are college ID numbers.  We are social security numbers.  We are passwords with one letter, one number and one symbol.  We are our license number and insurance number.  We are our title, (Mr., Mrs., Ms., Dr.). We are our degree (J.D., B.S., B.A., PhD., MD, etc).  We are our grades, (A,A-,B+,C+).  We are our age, weight, height, and blood sugar.  We are letters, symbols, and numbers.



1. Plath, S. (1996) The Bell Jar.  New York, NY: Harper-Collins Publishers. pg 35.

Summer Reading List

Well, I have decided to read one book a week for the entire summer. This is an ambitious goal for someone that doesn't like to read! Actually, I do like to read. But, usually I read articles and textbooks.

I am recovering from a horrific workplace environment and I need to detox for a while. So, I decided that becoming a well-read individual would be a nice goal. Maybe my cynical and jaded attitude will actually subside.

The first book, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, may not have been the wisest choice. It is about an over achieving woman losing her mind. No, the irony wasn't lost on me. I am half way through the book on the third day. Hopefully, my power of concentration will be strong and I can finish it on time.

So far the books seems worthy of reflection.

Ph.D Mom